Sunday, April 01, 2007

Foolish Definitions for Family Historians

From the Foolish Dictionary, by Gideon Wurdz... some definitions to clarify genealogy/family history terminology.
ANCESTORS The originators of the Family Tree, a remarkable sex paradox in which the Ann sisters are always the four fathers.

BIRTHDAY Anniversary of one's birth. Observed only by men and children.

CEMETERY The one place where princes and paupers, porters and presidents are finally on the dead level.

DATES A fruit commonly plucked from the Family Tree and spread on the leaves of history. (Dist. bet. Dates and Peaches, which are often associated).

DIARY An honest autobiography. A good keepsake, but a bad give-away.

FAMILY Originally a wife and several children, a matter of pride to the possessor. Now obsolete among the careful, or confined to the wife, a bull pup and a canary bird.

HEREDITY The cause of all our faults. From Fr. here, wretch, and Eng. ditty, song. The song of the wretched.

HUSBAND The next thing to a wife. From Eng. hussy, woman, and bond, tie. Tied to a woman.

INFANT A disturber of the peace.

KEEPSAKE Something given us by someone we've forgotten.

KINDRED From Eng. kin, meaning relation, and dread, meaning fear; fearful relations.

MATRIMONY A game for women, in which the unmarried half are trying to find a husband and the married half trying not to be found out by one. Both halves are eminently successful.

NOBILITY A gang of foreign brigands having abducent designs on the American Damsel and the American Dollar.

PARENTS One of the hardships of a minor's life.

RELATIONS A tedious pack of people who haven't the remotest knowledge of how to live nor the smallest instinct about when to die.

TWINS Insult added to Injury.

WEDDING A trade in which the bride is generally given away, and the groom is often sold.

YOUTH The dynamo that makes the world go round; a product of its own generation, with its wires carrying Power into the high places of Earth and with its currents of Thought short-circuited only by bigoted Old Age.
Now, I hope some of these definitions have made you: LAUGH A peculiar contortion of the human countenance, voluntary or involuntary, super-induced by a concatenation of external circumstances, seen or heard, of a ridiculous, ludicrous, jocose, mirthful, funny, facetious or fanciful nature and accompanied by a cackle, chuckle, chortle, cachinnation, giggle, gurgle, guffaw or roar.

To better understand the foolish nature of our world, by all means please visit the Foolish Dictionary and cackle and guffaw to your heart's delight.

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