Polish Wedding Traditions, My Recollections

What I remember of polish weddings is nothing like the weddings in Poland I have described in my previous posts. I don't remember an intermediary making a proposal on behalf of of the groom. I don't remember negotiated marriages at all.

I do remember my mother telling me that when she and my dad got engaged they had to make a trip across town to visit his godmother to personally invite her to their wedding. I don't believe they invited any of the other guests in person though. Their wedding was an all day affair (January, 1944). It didn't happen in the traditional order of events described previously. The church ceremony took place at 11:00 am followed by a "breakfast" at her parents' house. All the wedding guests who attended the church ceremony also came to breakfast. In the afternoon the bridal party went to a photographer's studio for the formal wedding portraits. And then a formal reception with dinner, music, and dancing was held in the evening at a nearby hall. The following day, poprawiny (which means something like, "do it again") was held at her parents' home. That would have been considered day two of their wedding celebration.

I was quite surprised to learn about the wedding bread when I was doing my research on polish wedding customs. My mother never spoke of this tradition and given that her father owned a bakery that was known for its rye bread I would have thought this would have been a tradition passed down in her family. I don't remember any mention of wedding bread at my cousins' weddings either. Perhaps the tiered wedding cake was an American substitution for the elaborate wedding bread in days of old in Poland.

Here is a photo of some decorated bread loaves on display at a harvest festival in Poland in 2005

I'm quite sure my mother did not have a capping ceremony at her wedding reception. This may have been a tradition that survived history in Poland but I don't think it traveled across the ocean with my grandparents. I have my grandparents' wedding photo and another photo taken shortly afterwards but it doesn't look like my grandmother's hair is any shorter in the later photo. In both photos her hair looks like it's pulled back into a chignon so I can't tell for sure.

In Poland, wedding rings are worn on the right hand not the left. In photos of my grandparents, they wore their wedding rings on their right hands, the "Polish way". My parents, however, wore their rings on their left hands.

For more information on Polish wedding traditions, I recommend Polish Customs, Traditions and Folklore by Sophie Sophie Hodorowicz Knab, and The Peasants by Wladyslaw Reymont. These were the sources I used for the information presented in this series of articles. Sophie's book goes into a great deal more detail than what I was able to include here. A good read!

The complete series of articles:
An Introduction To Polish Wedding Traditions
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Marriage Proposal And Engagement
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Wedding Eve
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Wedding Day(s)
Polish Wedding Traditions, My Recollections

Polish Wedding Traditions, The Wedding Day(s)

Traditional Polish wedding day preparations would begin in the morning. The main celebration was held at the home of the bride's parents and it was there that the festivities began. Musicians would gather and play, welcoming the arriving guests. When the groom arrived with his swat, groomsmen, and family, the maid of honor would begin dressing the bride.

The wreath woven the night before would be securely pinned in place on the bride's head. Then, depending on which section of Poland she was from, the bride might wear artificial flowers and ribbons of particular colors. She would also wear a strip of white fabric with ribbons, beads, and myrtle attached and secured at the back of the neck.

Everyone would gather at the home of the bride's parents to accompany the bridal couple to the church and to witness the blessings bestowed upon the bride by her parents. To start things off the swat would give a speech passed down through the years from father to son. After the speech the bride would say farewell to her parents, asking their forgiveness for any troubles she may have caused them while she was growing up and thanking them for raising her. Then the mother would kiss her daughter, bless her with holy water, and grow wheat at her feet. Then the father did the same. This blessing by the parents was seen as more important than the church ceremony itself. If one of the parents was dead someone would act in their stead for the blessing and then the wedding party might stop at the cemetery where the groom or bride would ask for blessings from their deceased parent. It was believed that no marriage would go well if it didn't begin with the blessings of the parents.

The trip to the church took place in various ways throughout Poland. In some areas the bride and groom rode in a wagon together and in other areas they rode in separate wagons. Everyone would be dressed in their Sunday best clothing, the horses and wagons would be decorated, and a fiddler would accompany them. Behind the wagon the swat would ride on horseback overseeing everything.

During the church ceremony the bride was expected to cry. If she didn't it was thought that she would cry throughout her married life. How very different things are these days when brides pay hundreds of dollars to have their makeup professionally done so as to look good for their wedding portraits. Now they make every effort not to cry!

Everyone in the church would keep an eye on the altar candles. People believed that if a candle went out during the wedding ceremony it meant that the bride or groom would die young. I remember hearing this whispered about when I was a child. So this is one belief that was passed on through numerous generations.

The wedding party would stop at a local tavern on the way home from the church where the guests would eat and drink and dance until they were called to the home of the bride's parents where the wedding feast would take place. When the bridal party and guests arrived at the home the swat would sing a song to open the door. Then the bride's mother would sprinkle the married couple with holy water to ward off any evil forces which might be lingering about the house. They would also be greeted with bread and salt. Salt was equally important to bread in all family customs from birth to death.

For the wedding feast, the bridal couple always sat at a table along a wall containing holy pictures. The feast would begin with the swat making a toast, then the groom toasted his bride, and then the glass would be passed on down the line with everyone taking a drink and wishing each other good health and good fortune. After this the food would be brought out.

Foods traditionally served at weddings in Poland included kasza (cereal), chicken, peas, sauerkraut, beet soup with noodles, and of course the wedding bread. Following the feast everyone would drink and dance long into the evening and often into the next day. If the father was affluent the wedding might last as long as a week.

On the last night of the wedding the capping ceremony took place. This is one of the oldest and most important of the polish wedding customs. It was so important that the custom survives to this day in Poland. In days of old in Poland a man was not allowed to exercise his marital privileges with his wife until the capping ceremony was completed. I'm not sure if things are still done this way ;-)

The capping ceremony involved cutting short the bride's long flowing hair and placing a marriage cap on her head. The actual cutting of the hair was done by the groom in some regions of Poland and by the mother of the bride and the married women of the village in other areas of Poland. The marriage cap was usually a gift made to the bride from her godmother. This marriage cap always held special meaning and was reserved for wearing only in church, at special folk festivals, and for her burial. It would be finely made and embroidered. It was the symbol of a married woman. The capping marked the end of the wedding celebration. Once it was done the married women would take turns dancing with the bride as a sign of her acceptance into their ranks. Then the bride was handed over to the groom for a dance. Following that the couple would leave for the groom's home or his parents' home to begin their married life together. When she arrived in front of her husband's home his family would greet her with bread and salt. This was to assure good luck to the bridal couple.

The final ceremony that the wedding party was involved in was the bedding down of the bride and groom. This was done humorously. The young couple was escorted to a room specially prepared for them. They were put in the room and the door was locked. Then they were serenaded with bawdy songs and vodka toasts and instructed not to be "lazy" before they were finally left alone. The next morning the couple was greeted and given kasza in milk and vodka dyed red as a sign of lost virginity. Then the sheets were inspected for the stain that would indicate the marriage had been consummated. This would make everyone happy and would be the cause of more singing and dancing.

The final article in this series will include my thoughts and observations on Polish wedding traditions.

The complete series of articles:
An Introduction To Polish Wedding Traditions
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Marriage Proposal And Engagement
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Wedding Eve
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Wedding Day(s)
Polish Wedding Traditions, My Recollections

Polish Wedding Traditions, The Wedding Eve

In Poland, in days of old, a bride-to-be would spend the evening before her wedding preparing her parents' house for the big event the next day. Her bridesmaids would join her for one last evening spent as carefree young maidens. They would decorate the house, make boutonnieres for the groomsmen, prepare food for the next day, and weave a wreath that the bride would wear on her wedding day. This wreath was commonly made from rue, rosemary, or myrtle. The bridesmaids would also create a wedding branch usually from a spruce or pine tree.

That same evening, the bride's godmother and would be in charge of baking the wedding bread. This was not your average loaf of bread but rather a ceremonial bread (several loaves actually) elaborately decorated and carefully baked. It was made of the finest wheat flour. The belief was that if the top of the bread cracked while baking it meant the marriage would not be successful. So every care was taken to ensure a perfect wedding bread. The bread would be placed on a table at the wedding feast for all to see. The swat would cut it into pieces and offer it in exchange for a gift or money for the bride.

Once the preparations were well in hand and the wedding bread was in the oven, the bride-to-be and her bridesmaids would go to the home of the groom's parents. There the bridesmaids and groomsmen would decorate the wedding branch. Once that task was completed everyone (bride-to-be, bridesmaids, groom, groomsmen, the groom's family and the swat) would return to the home of the bride where guests would have began to gather to officially began the wedding festivities.

Often, the groom and his groomsmen would be forbidden to enter the home of the bride… At least initially. A small reenactment from days of old would be played out where the swat would negotiate entrance for the groom. It would be one more obstacle for the groom to overcome, a test of his true devotion.

Once inside the house, the swat would make a speech and then with the wedding branch in hand he would dance with the bride. Then would come the unbraiding ceremony. Young maidens traditionally wore their hair in one or two braids symbolizing their youth and virginity. At this unbraiding ceremony the bride would symbolically leave her childhood behind and wear her hair long and flowing as she stood beside her groom on her wedding day. The actual unbraiding of the bride's hair might be done by her brothers or bridesmaids but would be done in the presence of all. That would typically mark the end of the evening.

The next article in this series will cover the traditional polish wedding day(s) (and night ; -)

The complete series of articles:
An Introduction To Polish Wedding Traditions
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Marriage Proposal And Engagement
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Wedding Eve
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Wedding Day(s)
Polish Wedding Traditions, My Recollections

Polish Wedding Traditions, The Marriage Proposal And Engagement

In the days of old in Poland, the wedding season began in September and continued through the fall and winter except during the holy seasons of Advent and Lent. The reason for this was because the harvest season had passed, the crops were in, larders were full, and the farmers' long days of work in the field were behind them. They had some leisure time to spend with family and friends, and food and drink to share with all.

I noticed early on in my family history research that most weddings took place in September, October, and November, with October being the most popular month. I didn't understand why at the time. It struck me as quite odd. I also noticed that the fall months were popular particularly for first marriages while second marriages seem to occur throughout the year. I have since come to realize that many second marriages occurred fairly soon after the death of a spouse because it was difficult to be at home raising the children and out in the fields working at the same time. Second marriages often came about out of necessity.

As was common throughout history, arranged marriages were the norm in old world Poland. Sometimes, as in the case of nobility, marriages were arranged between families when children were still young. Among the peasant class, marriage arrangements were more commonly made when a young lady was deemed to be of marriageable age (usually in her late teens or early twenties).

There were a variety of ways in which a Polish peasant with a marriageable daughter could indicate his desire to marry her off. This was done differently throughout the various areas of the country. In some areas a father would paint dots on one side of his house with whitewash. In another area fathers might paint spots on the fence surrounding their house. In one village the home of the marriageable girl would have a wreath of blue or windows painted blue. One also might see rue or rosemary planted in the garden, rue and rosemary being popular plants used to make wreaths.

If a young man was interested in said marriageable daughter, he would initiate the first contact with the family. This was done in a very contrived way allowing the man to save face if the family did not deem him to be suitable. It was a universal custom throughout all of Poland for an intermediary to act as a go-between on his behalf. This go-between went by different names in different areas, one of which was swat. The swat was usually an older and respected man in the community who could be trusted to act in the man's best interest, sometimes it would be a young man's godfather. One might think of this person as a "wedding planner" because they would see to the details of the marriage proposal, engagement, invitations, and some of the wedding itself.

The initial contact went something like this. The swat and the perspective groom would visit the home of the marriageable girl usually on a Thursday or Saturday and always under the cover of darkness. The reason for this was to provide some privacy from gossips as this was considered a delicate matter. Upon entering the house the men would bow and praise the Lord, ask about everyone's health, and then begin a very discreet inquiry with an allegory such as…"Do you have a goose for sale? If so, we'd like to buy her." As the inquiry was made the swat would bring out a bottle of whiskey or vodka and request the young lady bring him a whiskey glass. The refusal of the suitor was always done in a non insulting manner. If the girl went into the next room for a glass but did not return it was a sign of refusal. If the family did not believe the young man to be a suitable husband for their daughter they would deny that they had a goose for sale and with that the swat and the young man would leave the house. If the family excepted the vodka offered it was an indication of their willingness to consider the match. They would then indicate which day the swat and the young man should return for a final decision.

Assuming that the match was favorable to the young girl's parents, the young man and his swat would return a couple days later. Once again the swat would bring out the bottle of vodka and and ask for a whiskey glass. If the girl returned quickly with the glass it was an indication of her agreement to the match which would have been previously discussed and agreed upon by her parents. Then the swat would fill the glass with vodka, pass it to the father who would pass it to his daughter. She would drink from the glass and then offer the rest of the vodka to her prospective groom. Once the young man drank the rest of the vodka the agreement was sealed. Then and only then would talk began on dowries and settlements.

Next came the engagement period. An official engagement most often occurred on a Saturday when the swat and the young man dressed in their best clothes would return to the young girl's house. There they would be greeted by the young girl's relatives and close friends who would have gathered to celebrate the happy event. Then a ritual was performed which included an uncut loaf of bread and a white scarf. The swat would join the right hands of the couple above the loaf of bread and tie them together with the scarf. Then he would cut two pieces of bread for them to eat. Most commonly the groom would gift his bride with this ceremonial scarf. This engagement was considered as binding as the marriage itself. Following this, refreshments were served and small gifts were exchanged.

The morning after the official engagement, the newly engaged couple would visit the village priest. Their intention to be married would be duly noted. The engagement would last for three weeks while the banns were read at church. During this three week engagement the bride was excused from her daily responsibilities to prepare for the wedding. Her time would be taken up weaving material for her trousseau and preparing wedding gifts.

Wedding invitations were always delivered in person and in a certain obligatory manner. The first invitations were issued to friends or relatives who would act as bridesmaids and groomsmen. Next the bride and groom would invite their godparents. The remaining guests were usually invited on a Thursday after the first or second reading of the banns. In some areas of Poland those invitations would be extended by the brid- to-be and her maid of honor or mother. In other areas the guests would be invited by two of the groomsmen who with musicians in tow would go through the village issuing invitations. Most everyone in the village would be invited to the wedding out of courtesy this first time around. A second invitation would be issued on Saturday, the day before the wedding, and this invitation would be issued to those who were actually invited to the wedding. Weddings almost always occurred on Sundays.

The next article in this series will describe the night before the wedding, also known as the maiden evening.

The complete series of articles:
An Introduction To Polish Wedding Traditions
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Marriage Proposal And Engagement
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Wedding Eve
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Wedding Day(s)
Polish Wedding Traditions, My Recollections

An Introduction To Polish Wedding Traditions

I love weddings, especially Polish weddings! If you've ever been to a traditional Polish wedding you know they are truly a celebration of life, love, and culture. With the extravagant cost of weddings these days you don't see many traditional Polish weddings anymore. And what a shame that is because when it comes to throwing a wedding celebration nobody does it with more passion then the Polish.

I remember attending many Polish weddings when I was a child. And I remember my mother talking about her own wedding and the Polish customs she included. Some little girls grew up on fairy tales about princesses. I grew up on stories about Polish princess brides.

Poland is an agrarian based country. My ancestors came from country villages, worked on farms, and led a simple life. My grandparents came to America during the Great Migration between 1880 and 1920. The country they came from, the life style they led, had existed for hundreds of years. Without a doubt they experienced culture shock when they reached the shores of the United States. It's fun to look at pictures of the families back in the Roaring Twenties when those hearty Polish peasant immigrants were decked out in Flapper dresses! I'm sure they wanted to assimilate and become Americanized but they didn't discard all of their Polish country ways either.

As time has passed and with each new generation there is less Polishness in us. That is to say, there is less evidence of Polish tradition and culture in the ways we live our lives and celebrate life events. I have my own memories of Polish weddings but I've often wondered how much different our Polish weddings were from actual weddings in Poland. Several years ago when I made contact with family members still living in Poland I was able to discuss with them how they celebrated a wedding. They were full of questions about stories they had heard about American weddings too. Then last year I read a book called The Peasants by Wladislaw Reymont. The author won a Nobel Prize in literature for this book detailing the lives of Polish peasants in the latter have of the 19th century. It was fascinating for me to learn the wedding traditions my ancestors practiced. Since then, I've done some additional research on Polish wedding traditions and I'm amazed at all I have learned.

I've written before about how the records of my ancestors go back to the mid to late 1700s. That was when recordkeeping was first mandated in Poland. Prior to that, birth, marriage, and death records were kept primarily for the nobility and not for the peasants. The history and traditions I'm most interested in are those that would have been practiced by family members whose names appear on my family tree. Since the old world ways changed very little over hundreds of years it's likely that the traditions practiced by my grandparents were the same as those practiced by their grandparents and great grandparents before them. My research confirms as much.

Let's take a look at Polish wedding traditions beginning with a marriage proposal and going through to the end of the wedding celebration. I found the whole process very interesting and I think you will too.

The complete series of articles:
An Introduction To Polish Wedding Traditions
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Marriage Proposal And Engagement
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Wedding Eve
Polish Wedding Traditions, The Wedding Day(s)
Polish Wedding Traditions, My Recollections