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Like most kids, I was a little spooked by being at the cemetery. I enjoyed looking at the various different gravestones near my grandparents graves but I kept pretty close to mom and dad's side. My parents took their grave tending pretty seriously. They always went prepared with shovels and trowels, gardening gloves and a watering can. In the summer and fall we took along fresh cut flowers from my parents back yard. At Christmas each grave received a grave blanket.
In both my moms and dads family's, the siblings all took turns buying grave blankets. Generally, the grave blankets were about 4 feet in length and were made of pine branches with a big bow and a few plastic flowers or ornaments. Here is an example of a typical grave blanket.
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My parents are buried at Saint Hedwig cemetery in Dearborn Heights. At that cemetery they don't allow grave blankets. Instead, you are permitted to place an evergreen wreath on a wire tripod on each grave. Here's a picture of my parents' graves with their Christmas wreaths.
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I don't remember my parents ever going to the cemetery on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. They would go to visit their parents graves on a Saturday or Sunday a week or two before the Christmas holiday. We wouldn't stay long due to the cold weather. We would get out of the car, walk to the grave site, say a couple prayers (silently), and then get back in the nice warm car. We didn't drive off right away though. Usually my mom or dad would sit in silence for a moment or two gazing out the windows at their parents graves. Sometimes they'd share a story, some little thing they remembered about their mother or father. The cemetery visits always seemed to trigger stories. How I wish I'd thought to record those them!
Even though it is a tradition in Poland to set an empty place setting at the Christmas dinner table for any unexpected guest who may visit or to remember a deceased loved one, I don't remember that as a part of our holiday dinners. I do remember my mom telling me about the tradition though. We may have done it once but I don't have a clear memory of it. I'm sure the reason that we didn't do it every year was because my parents' house was so small and seating area was at a premium.
I would imagine that my parents thought about their parents at Christmastime but they didn't talk about them. I don't remember them talking about any of their deceased siblings at the holidays either.
[The Advent calendar number graphic used in this post was created by NicNic at the NBK blog.]